"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."
I believe that all of us have the ability to hold on, and to let go. I also think that both are completely necessary to our lives. I believe there are things that we should hold onto with everything we have in us. I also believe that there are things that we have to let go of, because they hold us back from growth, and ultimately... from happiness. I think that things can also change from one category to the other, and we have to be sure to listen very closely so we get the hint. And honestly, holding on or letting go can be completely terrifying but the decision has to be made which you're going to do, and avoiding the decision in the end, makes the choice for you.
I am currently.. facing this decision in a way. I've made this particular decision many times before, and some days the decision is much easier than others. It essentially is "Do I let go or do I hold on?" Do I let go of my ideals, the things I love about myself, what I honestly feel is right for me... Or do I hold on? It seems like such an easy choice until you consider that it is made up of the same choice with different variables; over and over on much smaller levels that lead to a larger consequence.
A lot has been going on in my own life in the past few weeks, and being kind of a private person I will keep the particulars to myself. But some things have happened that I have put on a very brave front about and let very few ever know that I am upset at all, and even those I have... there are even fewer who honestly have seen me grieve about it. In fact.. I can only think of one. Even then, I am fairly sure I tried to pull myself together and dismiss it as no big deal... Why have I been doing all of this? Because the reason I was hurt was that I took a risk, knew what the dangers were, and I saw something I that I still believe is worth being brave for. In fact my belief in it, is the thing I have fought harder for than probably anything else. The good, the good that is in every single person on this planet, whether we choose to utilize it or not.
I will be the first to admit, that I have been burned by this many many times, but there are also many times when I haven't been. Where something wonderful has come out of horrible situations when no one thought it was possible. Those things are why I continue to take risks, why I hold on to this particular ideal, when many people, most with good intentions, have tried to "correct" this about me. Usually because they are worried about me. The thing is, I know I will be okay. I also know that I am pretty in touch with my emotions most of the time, and if I am in a place where I need to hear it will be okay, I will ask. And despite knowing that I will be okay in the end, that doesn't mean that it isn't allowed to hurt, suck, or be hard. It means I know I will get over it. However, knowing what I am feeling, seeing it, admitting it, dealing with it as it is; is a crucial part to actually being okay, instead of just pretending to be.
To bring it full circle back to the monkey bars... I think you need to have a good grip on the bar before you can really let go, or you'll fall. You also need to know what you're reaching for, or you wont get to the next one.. :S
Basically... I've decided to hold on to my goals, who I am, the type of person I am trying to be, in general the things I am reaching for. I tend to get criticized for this choice, but it's always worth it. Anything that doesn't help me do that, I'll work to let go of to move forward in what I'm holding on to. Even if what I am letting go of is something I really would like to hold on to. Maybe one day it can be something to reach for and hold onto again. But if its just straining my arms to hold on to it, and I'm not going anywhere... why should I hold on?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The type of person I'm trying to be
I've thought a lot lately about my priorities, what type of person I'd like to be. Which is funny because it's not like I didn't know before, and it's not that I had stopped trying to be that person either. I believe that some of us, like myself, have to be reminded of what it is that we are striving for. Otherwise the details, whys, and wherefores knock us around a little.
The best way I can describe it is like when you walk into a room and you can't remember why the blazes you're there or what you went in to get, you just know it's SOMETHING, and eventually after thinking it over you remember, feel silly and pick up whatever it was, or say whatever it was you were supposed to and walk back out, no harm done. It's like that in a larger sense, and we forgotten why we are where we are, when we are etc.
For those that know me, it will come as no shock that I remembered what it was that I want to be through two things: wonderful people that are or have been in my life, and quotes. The particular quote in question was this :
" I want it said of me, by those who know me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower wherever I thought a flower would grow." -- Abraham Lincoln.
Really, it's not that different that my status message of "Be the change you wish to see in the world." which was said by one of my other favorite people, Gandhi. But, somehow it is. There is something about the idea of being a constant reminder of the kindness that exists in the world that makes me smile, not because of the potential for that which lies in myself. But for the potential that lies in all of us. Every single human being is capable of good, isn't that a marvelous thought? That we all have the capacity to be symbols of love, kindness, even hope?
I am blessed to have and to have had the people that I do in my life, they are constant reminders to push myself to do my best in every facet of my life. They're absolutely incredible even when they think they are failing, or when they are in their deepest moments of despair. I hope that they know that, especially the ones who can no longer be in my life. I would like to think that somehow, they know that I am grateful and that they are loved. Not only for who they are (which they are), but for the person they have helped, and will continue to help me become.
To anyone wondering why am I writing this, I am writing this based on the idea (and yes... it WILL be in the form of a quote) " You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no result"-- Gandhi. This is also known as the "Ripple Effect" that your actions have ripples that spread etc. I decided today that I'd like to ripple bravery, hope, gratitude, and kindness out into the world. Not for any reason in particular, it's not that I see a lack of those things demonstrated, I see that they are alive and well everywhere I look, I just did it because I wanted to. :)
Have a wonderful day!
The best way I can describe it is like when you walk into a room and you can't remember why the blazes you're there or what you went in to get, you just know it's SOMETHING, and eventually after thinking it over you remember, feel silly and pick up whatever it was, or say whatever it was you were supposed to and walk back out, no harm done. It's like that in a larger sense, and we forgotten why we are where we are, when we are etc.
For those that know me, it will come as no shock that I remembered what it was that I want to be through two things: wonderful people that are or have been in my life, and quotes. The particular quote in question was this :
" I want it said of me, by those who know me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower wherever I thought a flower would grow." -- Abraham Lincoln.
Really, it's not that different that my status message of "Be the change you wish to see in the world." which was said by one of my other favorite people, Gandhi. But, somehow it is. There is something about the idea of being a constant reminder of the kindness that exists in the world that makes me smile, not because of the potential for that which lies in myself. But for the potential that lies in all of us. Every single human being is capable of good, isn't that a marvelous thought? That we all have the capacity to be symbols of love, kindness, even hope?
I am blessed to have and to have had the people that I do in my life, they are constant reminders to push myself to do my best in every facet of my life. They're absolutely incredible even when they think they are failing, or when they are in their deepest moments of despair. I hope that they know that, especially the ones who can no longer be in my life. I would like to think that somehow, they know that I am grateful and that they are loved. Not only for who they are (which they are), but for the person they have helped, and will continue to help me become.
To anyone wondering why am I writing this, I am writing this based on the idea (and yes... it WILL be in the form of a quote) " You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no result"-- Gandhi. This is also known as the "Ripple Effect" that your actions have ripples that spread etc. I decided today that I'd like to ripple bravery, hope, gratitude, and kindness out into the world. Not for any reason in particular, it's not that I see a lack of those things demonstrated, I see that they are alive and well everywhere I look, I just did it because I wanted to. :)
Have a wonderful day!
What do you REALLY want?
Forewarning. This could all be wrong. It may only be true for me, and maybe it's just wrong on every level something could be wrong. My intent and hope in writing this, is that if you read it and parts of it sound right, you use those parts. If its totally not right to you that's more than fine, please express your own views. This is just what I see, if you have a different view, share it so I can see more, and learn things I wouldn't on my own.
And [the Messiah] said unto them, "If a man told God that he wanted most of all to help the suffering world, no matter the price to himself, and God answered and told him what he must do, should the man do as he is told?"
"Of course, Master!" cried the many. "It should be pleasure for him to suffer the tortures of hell itself, should God ask it!"
"No matter what those tortures, no matter how difficult the task?"
"Honor to be hanged, glory to be nailed to a tree and burned, if so be that God has asked," said they.
"And what would you do," the Master said unto the multitude, "if God spoke directly to your face and said, 'I COMMAND THAT YOU BE HAPPY IN THE WORLD, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.' What would you do then?"
This is a short story I stumbled across. I absolutely love it, it's from a book by Richard Bach. It is one of the most blunt , and true things I have seen. I recently had a very good talk with one of my favorite people in the whole world, and it becomes increasingly clear to me, that we all need reminders for what we already know. I am so blessed, because I have someone in my life who can take care of me, and make me happy, it's me. If I can find nothing to be happy about, that is a problem with ME.
It is not my job to ensure the happiness of everyone in the whole world. I can do my best . Sure. But, if I can't take care of myself, how can I really benefit everyone else? How can you really share what you don't have? How can you unconditionally love someone without fear of resentment or jealousy, if you are always hurting yourself and going against who you are and what you believe in effort to appease them? Why not love yourself enough to find someone who loves you so much flawed as you are, that they try to help you become the person you want to be? And you return that to them. Not the person you think they should be, or want to make them into. I mean the person they want to be, the best version of who they already are, because you love them so much that you want to know they love themselves.
To me, that is the basis of love: wanting the best for someone, wanting infinite happiness for them. Because you love them, and want the best for them, you become the best version of who you are. Isn't that what you would want them to have? Talk is cheap. Even if you don't know who you are supposed to end up with, shouldn't you love that person enough to want to give them the best version of yourself? Shouldn't you be happy and become the person you would want for them to have? Even before they come into your life so you don't have to scramble around when you find them and then try and go about convincing them not only that you love them, but that they should love you.
Here's the thing. If you truly love them, you wouldn't ever want to resent them. So you wouldn't do things that go against who you are, or your beliefs of right and wrong. Because if you can love someone like that, chances are you love yourself. And if you loved yourself, why would you want to be with someone who really didn't want you? You can find all sorts of things to love about who you are, if they don't that doesn't make you defective or mean you need to become someone or something you're not. It means you need to walk away, for both parties sakes. So that both of you can find people you can love, grow with, and help you love yourself even more.
So... If you want to be happy. Go out, and be happy. No matter what, no matter how hard it is. It all depends on you, and rests on your shoulders.
And [the Messiah] said unto them, "If a man told God that he wanted most of all to help the suffering world, no matter the price to himself, and God answered and told him what he must do, should the man do as he is told?"
"Of course, Master!" cried the many. "It should be pleasure for him to suffer the tortures of hell itself, should God ask it!"
"No matter what those tortures, no matter how difficult the task?"
"Honor to be hanged, glory to be nailed to a tree and burned, if so be that God has asked," said they.
"And what would you do," the Master said unto the multitude, "if God spoke directly to your face and said, 'I COMMAND THAT YOU BE HAPPY IN THE WORLD, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.' What would you do then?"
This is a short story I stumbled across. I absolutely love it, it's from a book by Richard Bach. It is one of the most blunt , and true things I have seen. I recently had a very good talk with one of my favorite people in the whole world, and it becomes increasingly clear to me, that we all need reminders for what we already know. I am so blessed, because I have someone in my life who can take care of me, and make me happy, it's me. If I can find nothing to be happy about, that is a problem with ME.
It is not my job to ensure the happiness of everyone in the whole world. I can do my best . Sure. But, if I can't take care of myself, how can I really benefit everyone else? How can you really share what you don't have? How can you unconditionally love someone without fear of resentment or jealousy, if you are always hurting yourself and going against who you are and what you believe in effort to appease them? Why not love yourself enough to find someone who loves you so much flawed as you are, that they try to help you become the person you want to be? And you return that to them. Not the person you think they should be, or want to make them into. I mean the person they want to be, the best version of who they already are, because you love them so much that you want to know they love themselves.
To me, that is the basis of love: wanting the best for someone, wanting infinite happiness for them. Because you love them, and want the best for them, you become the best version of who you are. Isn't that what you would want them to have? Talk is cheap. Even if you don't know who you are supposed to end up with, shouldn't you love that person enough to want to give them the best version of yourself? Shouldn't you be happy and become the person you would want for them to have? Even before they come into your life so you don't have to scramble around when you find them and then try and go about convincing them not only that you love them, but that they should love you.
Here's the thing. If you truly love them, you wouldn't ever want to resent them. So you wouldn't do things that go against who you are, or your beliefs of right and wrong. Because if you can love someone like that, chances are you love yourself. And if you loved yourself, why would you want to be with someone who really didn't want you? You can find all sorts of things to love about who you are, if they don't that doesn't make you defective or mean you need to become someone or something you're not. It means you need to walk away, for both parties sakes. So that both of you can find people you can love, grow with, and help you love yourself even more.
So... If you want to be happy. Go out, and be happy. No matter what, no matter how hard it is. It all depends on you, and rests on your shoulders.
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